I was walking down the hall when I heard a voice scream my name
( Elizabeth?)
I turned my back and I saw nothing but a long dark hall, I started to walk down the hall thinking there was someone there and when I reached the end I saw a Little girl leaning against the door at the end of the hall the door slowly started to creak open but the girl just stood there. The door opened and the cleaner just walked straight through her. I walked away hoping she wouldn't notice
(Where are you going?) The little girl asked me
(Home) I Replied
(You can see me!?) The girl said surprised (Umm… Yeah) I said wondering what she meant
(Do you know who I am?)
(No)
I saw a old lady come out of the door the cleaner came out
(Maggie are you talking to humans again I told you not to do that after what happened last time)
(Maggie are you talking to humans again I told you not to do that after what happened last time)
(OK)
(Sorry I’ve got to go now) she said running to the lady
(Wait, Why can’t you talk to me?) I shouted to her and what happened last time
Hello Lucy, I am Jessica from Blaketown School.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story! I liked how you used a sort of ghost girl in your story and the mysterious atmosphere. Next time make sure you don't make sentences too long and use punctuation. Also at the end it starts to not make sense, I didn't really understand.
From Jessica
Hi Lucy, I think your story is cool and written well. Just one thing is that you need to check that you add full stops. Only because there is a sentence 6 lines long. Otherwise good work.
ReplyDelete-Blake
Hello Lucy, I am Faith from Blaketown School.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story, I really liked the mysteriousness of the story and how Elizabeth finds a little ghost girl at the end of the hall. Next time don't make your sentences too long and check your punctuation, instead of marking the speak with brackets () use the speech marks ""
Bye
ReplyDeleteHi lucy my name is Tahnellah I am a student from KawaKawa Primary I am 12 years old and I just have to say I really liked the story you told about when you walked down the dark scary hall way and seen a little girl with her head lean up on the wall thank you lucys and bye.
Kia ora Lucy it's Miria form kawakawa primary and I am a year 6 and I'm a maori what are you? this is really cool I love how you are talking about people and it really sounds like it's in real life. But I think you should work on making it more clear. Here is my link to my blog if you want to have a look kpsmiriaf.blogspot.co.nz bye
ReplyDeleteHi Lucy my name Is Paris and I am a year 8 student at Kawakawa primary school. I just wanna say I really enjoyed your story about a dead girl scary also cool but yeah I really loved. Thanks Lucy for reading my comment byeeee
ReplyDelete